THAT NOT SO LUCID PLAN

"This is the most planning for not planning" she said.

So with this big of a life change comes 'those talks'. Oh, the places we will go. All the unknowns lead to much angst and uncertainty breeds contempt and misunderstanding. In some cases wrongheaded conclusions. It's hard to communicate feelings sometimes, especially selfish ones that leave those you love scratching their heads in disbelief. Such is the outcome with any selfish act. And this is exactly that. But transitioning from a life of living for others, to one of taking a chance on oneself seems to need a process. This event was planned to very loose and open for directional changes but once I made my decision, I needed something to make it real and reduce any chance for me sliding backwards. The emotional landscape lends itself to failure for me and certain conversations start the drain spin. Relying on those random friends that make an effort to understand is the greatest medicine at this stage of life. I can't thank those enough that have listened to my deranged ramblings and encouraging me to "Go for it".

Organizing trips is something I'm decent at but I have limits to how far I will take it. For this foray into a new reality, I've been doing a lot of research and lots of input from other touring compatriots. It is very therapeutic but at the same time very disturbing to some around me. At first it seemed to a few folks that I was trying some new coping mechanism to deal with depression but I think the reality of it happening is uncomfortable now. So be it, I can't do and be everything to everybody any more. Time to plan for me as best as I am willing.

So the plan is not much of a plan. Using routes like Adventure Cycling will be very limited and even my baseline route  is way more fluid than most would feel comfortable with. There are people I want to see as I travel, those will be my markers and routes developed accordingly. I have made some maps to just see how long it would take to travel certain regions. There will come a time where I need to stop and find some ways of refilling the travel account too. Hoping to get seasonal jobs to float the wayward journey. Beyond that there a lot of places that are really attractive. In no particular order these come to mind: Bhutan, Mongolia, SE Asia, Patagonia, Bolivia, Malaysia, Australia and of course New Zealand. First though, will be crossing North America and then finding my way to Northern and Eastern Europe. After that not too sure.

I will be trying to get a better grip on the schedule as time goes on and to offer a chance to have company for some of the miles. The main reason companionship, I'm scared of being alone for too long. I've spent a better part of my youth alone and spending more time in my own head is frightening. Plus arguing with oneself is tantamount to insanity and I'm already crazy enough. Last thing I want is to have someone find me in the middle of nowhere with  my head up my ass and trying to fart to remove it. Picture that how you wish, figuratively or literally. Either way it stinks. Finding places where conversations and human interactions are naturally occurring will help. Beyond that, I do have Warmshowers opportunities and, as much as I hate to admit it, technology. This blogging, and possible vlogging, will lend a focus, only if I avoid some pitfalls of boredom, to create something worth sharing. I'm hyper critical of my venture in this realm, self confidence escapes me at the beginning of anything new. There is a second reason for this plight, a stab at something way out of my comfort or experience. The desire to hear and tell the stories of others. I've been an enormous fan of programs like This American Life and Story Corps on NPR. Not that I will be coping their formats but the idea of the variable stories of non famous people and finding a way of telling it, is very compelling. Not sure which medium, or mash up of multiple, will suit me best but why not give them all a shot. Written, audio and visual. Never been one to limit my interests, that's what got me to take skinny tires on dirt. Stirring life up like a big goulash can make for a treat(no one ever said all goulash tastes good).

That said, I need to get over some fears with talking to people. YES, I do have shortcomings that can leave me paralyzed from engaging in conversation with strangers. A knack for meeting people and making conversation that comes with having a commonality that is plain view seems effortless at times. Starting interaction at a strange coffee shop, bar, park or wherever, the chances of self doubt and the fear of wrong perception creeping into my mind is, well, higher than Colorado, wink wink (unless I can decipher that someone is into dogs or bicycles). Years of being anonymous and invisible still come forward and knowing that you get attention just by walking into a room due to height makes for contradictional mindsets. Hoping the past few years of taking the stage for IEBA  will help me in overtake the stage fright of a new, unknown audience.

So there you have it, a plan to plan more for planning. And plan on trying new things. Oh, speaking of new things, I am definitely keeping the door open for other adventures along the way including hiking. Not looking to spend all the time sitting on my buddy Brooks.

NEXT ENTRY: Technically Speaking: The Rig